apparently the secret to your success is patron
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize