I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Moan for me like Helen Keller
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
