what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Randomize
