it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
