Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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