I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
