I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
