If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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