Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
