he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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