i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
