Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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