I CAN MOONWALK!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
