Say something about gay babies.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
