Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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