I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
