his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She's the barista slut.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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