I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish I only lived at night.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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