That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
