i wish my penis had a tongue
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize