Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
