dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
