i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
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