I wish I could punch you in the face.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
