Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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