Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
