as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
