I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize