I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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