You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it's not cheating when I paid for it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
