yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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