I love black thongs
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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