dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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