Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
