I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
