How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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