Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
