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the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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