rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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