after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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