I feel like I'm in dance class right now
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
