yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
