I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
