I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
