I cannot find my penis.
my sisters under your porch take her home
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
