Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's blow job season.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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