woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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