You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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