Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
