The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
