Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I supernannyed him into submission
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
