I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
