too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
