But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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