dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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