Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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