His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
