Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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