i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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