At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
