I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
