Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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