Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
its liver damage thursday
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
