I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Farmville is her only friend.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
