i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
