He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's always time for handjobs
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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